9 Ways to Manage Your Child’s Anger

1. Remain calm: While it may be difficult to do, remaining calm and talking to your child in a calm tone of voice will often help de-escalate them. If you raise your voice towards your child this will often only serve to make them yell more loudly and become more aggressive and defiant. If you stay in control of your own emotions you are teaching your child how to do the same.
2. Be consistent: When your child is screaming on the floor of the grocery store because you told him he can’t have the candy bar he wants, your first instinct may be to give it to him to make the tantrum stop. Don’t give in. By giving in you are only encouraging the tantrum and teaching him that if he acts out enough he will get what he wants.
3. Set limits: When your child’s anger turns into aggression, this is the time to lay down the law. Remind your child that hurting themselves, others, or property is never allowed. Have clear and consistent consequences in place for aggressive behavior.
4. Help them communicate: Children often don’t have the vocabulary to express themselves and this leads to frustration and aggression. Help your child label their emotions, for example you might say “You look frustrated. That puzzle is really hard.” It’s also important to teach children how to recognize positive emotions as well.
5. Know their triggers:  Does your child have a temper tantrum whenever they are told to go to bed or get off their tablet? For many children the trigger is either being asked to do something they don’t want to do or being asked to stop doing something they enjoy. You can help prevent meltdowns by setting time limits (ex. Allowing your child to watch tv for a maximum of 1 hour per day, no exceptions), giving them reminders (ex. “In 10 minutes you need to start getting ready for bed”), and helping to break down the task into simple steps (ex. “In 10 minutes you need to brush your teeth”).
6. Know their early warning signs: If your child’s anger turns to aggression, learn to read their body language so you can help your child calm down before they act out physically. For example, your child may start clenching their fists, their face may get red, and they may grunt or make other noises. When you see these early warning signs help your child calm down by guiding them in some deep breathing exercises or another calm down technique they enjoy.
7. Time out: Allow your child to take a time out if they feel themselves getting escalated. Have an area in the house or their room where they can sit quietly for 5-10 minutes to calm down without being bothered. Be sure to place soothing objects such as blankets, pillows and soft toys in the area as well.
8. Praise positive behavior: When your child is able to keep her anger from escalating make sure you show her you noticed and praise this behavior. Or if your child tries to label what they’re feeling, or you notice her taking deep breaths, praise her for her efforts.
9. Help them problem solve: The time to problem solve is when your child is calm and is able to communicate how he was feeling. You can help guide this conversation by asking what he might have done differently.  If your child is unsure, help by offering up suggestions.

It can be challenging for parents to learn how to handle an angry and aggressive child, but for many children it can make a huge difference. Parents who are confident, consistent, and calm can successfully help their children develop the skills needed to regulate their emotions and control aggressive behavior. If your child is doing a lot of lashing out, it is important to get professional help. If you’re concerned about your child’s anger or aggression, support and help are available with a licensed clinician at Good Therapy San Diego!